Bridget Stacey Luff

One of the most frustrating things in life is when we feel that we are not being understood.

When I feel misunderstood I get defensive and snappy and this perpetuates the problem and I feel worse. But when I truly listen to myself and the people around me we have a deeper more meaningful connection and experience.

It is ok to make mistakes, trust the choices you make and then be open to suggestion and reflection.

The yoga room is an opportunity to examine aspects of our selves, our bodies, our attitudes and relationships. What is happening when we drift off, minds wondering on other things far away from the body and this moment? We are not listening to our bodies or the teacher’s guidance. Rather we cloud our view with worry and comparisons. We get caught up in anxious thought and behavioural patterns and this is echoed in our bodies.  Not listening is stressful.

On the yoga mat when we listen with an intelligent, enquiring open mind and then lay that into the body the reward of the practice is so much deeper. Once able to translate instruction from the teacher and interpret that into our own body, adjusting it according to our needs we truly embody the practice of yoga. So much more liberating than “worrying if we have got it right” – ultimately the embodied choice you make, the pose you discover time and time again for yourself, is the right one.

My intention for March is to focus on listening. Listening to the wants and needs of others and balancing it with my wants and needs.  On and off the mat. This is a lifetime practice and I have a feeling it may reap great reward if practised daily.

Recently I went on a personal pilgrimage of sorts to India.  As a yoga teacher it’s a rite of passage to visit the birth place of yoga. But actually what I discovered in India is that you do not need to go to India to find yoga. It’s alive and kicking inside of me and you. Rather what I came away with was how deeply humbled and grateful I am for my life and all the privileges I have access to – ample food, a comfortable bed, education, hot water, electricity, and all the support I could possibly need.

I have no idea why I have all this and sadly so many other people in the world do not.  I am so grateful that I get to travel and see and meet other cultures and ways of being. But I am also extremely happy with how and where I live…

2012 brought on a whirlwind of highs and lows for everyone it seems, but in my little life the simple things are to be celebrated. Mostly I want to thank all the people who offer me support – colleagues, mentors, studio owners, therapists, students, friends and family (all are one and the same).

This Christmas I want to celebrate these dear people by offering thoughtful gifts, food, time and love.  And in the New Year for a change I do not make plans for ‘major improvements’ on myself.  I finally realise I’m kind of alright as I am and will rather aim to nourish and nurture myself and those around me.

(By the way you can check out my photos from India over here.)

“A gift is pure when it is given from the heart 
to the right person at the right time and at the right place, 
and when we expect nothing in return”
- The Bhagavad Gita

This last week I got bitten by a nasty bug (a fluey thing) , I rested as much as I could but still had some commitments I really wanted to keep. I knew in the long term I would be grateful if I could just about keep it together.  It proved an interesting experience.
I felt a lot of resentment towards having to ‘do things for others’ when all I wanted was to be looked after. But this resentment was making things even more of an effort.

Then I remembered times when I have had nothing to do, no sense of purpose – I felt so miserable. This shifted my P.O.V. Doing things for others is actually doing something for myself! Giving to others is what makes me happy. So why fight it? Why think of it as me vs. them? We’re in this together, if we all give, we are all happy and we all receive.

Giving my all, ultimately I felt proud of myself even if it wasn’t the ‘best’. I had to admit to people I was vulnerable, but would do my best and make my offering such as it was. As soon as I ‘let go’ of my expectations and beliefs I felt much freer.

So…

I ran away to Paris for a few days. I wanted something new.  When I was there to think and be; I sensed discomfort in myself.  Way out of comfort zone is the place I learn the most about myself but it’s difficult to hold together there.

Discomfort in life is unavoidable.

In the seat of comfort I grow complacent and want more.  So I go and explore.  And then like Dorothy discover what I had was what I want. Home. Heart.

In the seat of discomfort I learn how good my life is. Sometimes simply sitting in the seat of discomfort is the place to be.  Being gentle in attitude but not reacting too strongly too quickly. Feeling the discomfort see what it can give. My initial reaction is always TO BOLT. But sometimes staying means I find a new way of coping, a new tool to pop in work belt.

Yoga is a good place to practice how we respond to being uncomfortable.  We feel discomfort on the mat and we learn to stay with it, negotiate it and then respond most helpfully.  Teaching ourselves that in life too we have so many possibilities, so many view points to explore. We don’t need to always BOLT. Just be. Then see.

I had one of those mornings (or maybe month of mornings?) where it felt like that little grey cloud was hovering over me – broken toilet, bad coffee, bills to pay, slow bus, loud passengers. As I neared the yoga studio I suddenly caught a perceptive glimpse of myself. Here I am in this exciting city, owning an apartment with my dear husband, a job I love and wonderful friends. Uh… what am I moaning about?

It’s so easy to forget, to forget the dark times when things are going well and to nitpick and picknit everything and everyone. We close ourselves off in our bubble of man-made misery.

Yoga wisdoms teach us to be grateful for what we have. Because we have more than we need, and we are everything we should be. As we focus on the more positive aspects our life seems fuller, and we experience more contentment (santosha). No need to delude ourselves, just take a good hearty look. As my good friend always says “Don’t sweat the small stuff” . Your strong challenges will come don’t you worry about that, so preserve your adrenaline for when you actually need it, don’t deplete yourself.

Remembering your lot i.e. being grateful means bringing it back in, shutting off the “I wants” from the outside (not looking at the big A-boards telling you what you need). In your deep core you know you have enough. Go deep and see yourself for who you are, then spread out the lurve the luff the love!

I’ll share one of my favourite quotes (again):

"The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes" 
- Marcel Proust

Practice:  just before you drift to sleep and first thing as you wake , on the threshold of consciousness, think of three things you are really grateful for. They can be very small or very big, they can be the same thing everyday, but make sure you mean it.

"Failing to fetch me at first keep encouraged,
Missing me one place search another,
I stop somewhere waiting for you"
- Walt Whitman, Song of Myself

We all hold the potential for limitless power. As we see our reflection of self in our yoga practice we realise that there is always more – there is always more energy, knowledge, strength, flexibility to be find. The more we weave ourselves mindfully through life the more we discover our own inner power.   That power being a combination of strength and flexibility in body and mind.

Often when we start yoga we only see the outer form of ourselves, what we can and cannot do. We push and compete with ourselves and others. And then the body confronts us (often screaming at us with it’s limitations with pain and injury) and we realise that the practice is actually about what’s happening deep inside.  We draw into the interior landscape of the practice. We discover that if we spiral our inner thighs back in space our hips find more flexibility, if our arm bones root back into the shoulder sockets we find more strength in upper body. The technology of the practice absorbs us and if we work hard at refining our practice, working deep into the core of our being, we suddenly notice ourselves sailing through poses we only dreamed of before!

When I started yoga I really was not particularly strong nor flexible it seemed comparing myself to the rest of the room. The more I compared myself the ‘worse’ I seemed to get and I seemed to get stuck half way fingers to toes, collapsing in my planks. Then it all shifted. And I believe that part of the shift came because I began to believe that I would one day be able to do it. I started to affirm myself instead of telling myself I was useless. I mean, of course I wasn’t going to get anywhere if I told myself I couldn’t get there.  Why on earth would my body trust my mind sending crazy mixed signals. One day when I was preparing to launch myself at the wall, instead of the aggressive internal dialogue my heart said to me “You do not need to be afraid, you can do this” and upside down I sprung. And stayed there.

Perhaps you can relate to the internal dialogue or perhaps your voices are different. But what I have learnt is that, yes, there is always more to be learnt and more to be done but we expand to embrace the challenge. And if we believe in and affirm ourselves it’s far more likely we will get there.

The Bliss of Awareness is discovered through the expansion of the centre. 
– Sutra 17, The Heart of Recognition, Ksemaraja (tr. Hareesh Wallis)

grounded [ˈgraʊndɪd]
sensible and down-to-earth; having one's feet on the ground - Collins English Dictionary

As we rise to new challenges unfolding its important to remember to stay grounded. As we get excited we can forget why we are doing what we are doing, who and where we came from.  We disconnect and lose perspective of our bigger picture.

Like the spring crocus that blossoms, it lasts longer if it stays connected to its roots.

Remember your Roots

And it is so easy to get uprooted and burn out in this crazy world. (Been there, done that times a hundred!) So we have to work to remember to actively bring our feet to the ground, remembering our support, being sensitive, so we can stay strong for long. Like in a headstand, we root down to rise up in life.

And the flower cannot grow more without its roots in the earth.

Micro Practice (for when you are busy running around like a headless chicken): take a moment to literally feel the ground beneath you and imagine roots growing under your feet into the ground. Balance out your stance between left and right steadying yourself. It’s as simple and effective as that, feeling the floor beneath you makes you more grounded as a person and gives you energy to keep going. If we take these quick moments every couple of hours to steady ourselves we ultimately become more productive and our decisions and energies flow. Give it a go .

(not all pretty)

I’d love to believe that life is a box of chocolates, but … sometimes it feels like we pick up a piece of turd in our metaphoric chocolate box.  Even with all our wonderful yogic beliefs, strong practice and healthy attitude, sometimes something comes up out of nowhere and really throws you off centre. You know what I’m talking about. At these times I need to remind myself that at the very least: this will change.  Nature constantly pulsates growth, contraction, expansion , change.

Everything flows, nothing stands still - Heraclitus

The ancient Greek philosopher Heraclitus articulated that the only constant is change. Nothing is permanent in the universe; therefore attachment to any one state of being equals disappointment.

The contemporary American philosopher Douglas Brooks taught me that the cyclical nature of the universe is represented by the three goddesses Durga, Saraswati and Lakshmi.

Together these three goddesses represent the evolution of everything and every thing.  In a nutshell: Durga represents darkness and chaos, Saraswati – organization and order. And Lakshmi is our favourable lady of beauty and bliss. We always hold elements of these three goddesses within us and our lives. Different parts of our lives may be more Kali, Saraswati or Lakshmi weighted.  All three are vital for growth, learning and development.

We all love the Lakshmi moments of blissful contentment (the hazelnut centre of a chocolate moment) but the moment must pass. The more we chase the blissful nectar that Lakshmi gives the more elusive she becomes, and we begin to suffer immense disappointment when Durga raises her head to confound us. As we embrace Durga’s darkness Saraswati gives us the tools to negotiate the chaos and so we attain blissful realisation of Lakshmi again. For a while.  Each cycle is as important as the other .  If everything was sweet, we would by our very human nature grow bored and discontented. I know it, you know it.

Yoga gives us a much needed map to negotiate the balance of this bitter and sweet, dark and light in this topsy turvey and up down life.  If we focus on the fun and light beauty too much  - their shadows loom up and bite you on your bum.

The next time you hit the full force of a life tornado, give it a moment and instead of giving up all hope, make some extra time for strong yoga practice (sadhana) so you can be really steady. This gives you the freedom to face the storm full on. Perhaps discovering hidden strengths you had no idea were there. We all hold a fathomless amount of potential for growth -our nature is to expand from the contractions remember? And on and on the spiralling merry-go-round we go. So next time the turd turns up on your front door – stop your stride, look at it, accept it and get the tools you need to deal with it.